Ask Heather: Engagement ring woes

Wedding engagement rings

Image courtesy of Larson Jewelers

Dear Heather,

What do I do if I hate my engagement ring?

Not Loving the Ring

Dear Not Loving,

There are a few approaches to this problem. First, I suggest you examine why you don’t like it. Does it have to do with the setting? Cut of the stone? Size of the stone? Type of stone? All of these questions will play into which approach you end up taking.

If nothing else, please realize that this ring is something given to you during the proposal, so hopefully it has at least some sentimental value. “Hate” is a really strong word. Is there a chance you can eventually learn to love (or at least tolerate) this ring? If so, that’s definitely the easiest and least confrontational option.

The next option – tell your fiancé that it just isn’t your style. Depending on why it isn’t your style, your fiancé’s feelings will likely end up hurt by this admission. The main risk here – the ring might not be returnable, meaning your fiancé will end up knowing that you don’t like the ring but unable to really do anything about it.

In an ideal world, you’ll confess to your fiancé that you don’t like the ring and will be able to exchange it for something that’s more your taste. Realize, though – this will not be the ring used during the proposal. It will be more your style, but you won’t have the knowledge that it was chosen by your fiancé specifically for you.

For those of you who have yet to receive a ring – the obvious strategy is to give a little guidance. If there’s anything about the ring that’s non-negotiable for you, the time to reveal that information is not after the proposal has already occurred.

Was your ring not 100% to your liking? How did you handle that situation? Let me know in the comments below!

Categories: Ask Heather, Wedding

2 Responses


  1. Posted January 19, 2015 at 9:33 pm | Permalink

    I have a very plain engagement ring. Princess cut, solitaire, blam. Done and done. I’m perfectly fine with it. My husband bought it for me, when he had no money (he actually started a second job just to afford it). Forget the “perfectly fine” bit – I love it! It’s from him and that makes it perfect.

    But *he* every so often will apologize. Especially if someone else gets engaged and gets a big, gaudy thing. I don’t necessarily dislike their rings, but I wouldn’t want it for myself. I have this one, and it’s perfect.

    • heather
      Posted January 19, 2015 at 9:49 pm | Permalink

      It sounds like your ring is absolutely perfect for you, which is fantastic and very fortunate! Tell your husband to cut it out with the apologizing! He managed to get a ring that you love, and that’s all that matters! Engagement rings are really personal – what one person loves will most definitely not be what someone else adores. It’s great that your husband knows you well enough to pick something that you appreciate.

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