Ask Heather: Uninvited plus ones

Image courtesy of Dyn

Dear Heather,

How do you handle guests who add a plus-one to their response card when they were not invited with an additional guest?

Not Invited!

Dear Not,

This is a definite example of a guest’s “lack of social graces” problem. Alas, their deficiency should not transfer onto you exhibiting a similar performance. With the stress that goes along with planning a wedding, I’m pretty sure my initial reaction would be to call them and be all, “What the hell?! So-and-so wasn’t invited.” Fight this impulse.

If your venue, budget, and wedding vision can accommodate the extra guest, you might just want to grin and bear it. If this guest responded with an uninvited plus-one, perhaps this is their somewhat tactless way of saying they’re uncomfortable flying solo. Or maybe their relationship with the plus-one is far more significant than you realized when you sent the invitation. Or maybe they just don’t know any better and assumed that they were welcome to bring someone.

On the flip side, if this uninvited guest just cannot fly, your best (but potentially very uncomfortable) option is to call the person who you invited and talk to them. Find out why they RSVP’d with an uninvited plus one. If they feel weird coming without a date, point out all of the other people they’ll know who will be in attendance. If their relationship with this plus-one is more significant than your realized, you might need to figure out a way to include this person. Or, if they simply didn’t know any better, this is a lovely opportunity to let them know about invitation etiquette.

One potential scenario, unfortunately, is that the guest in question will choose to not attend without their plus-one. This is something you should consider prior to placing the aforementioned phone call. If it ends up being that important to them, can you squeeze in one more?

Did any of your guests try to squeeze in an uninvited plus-one? Or were you able to include a plus-one for everyone who desired it? Tell me all about it in the comments below!

Categories: Ask Heather, Wedding

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